Tuesday, September 11, 2012

TMI Tuesday: the big "O"

This week’s theme “Orgasms” and the questions are brought to you by Naughty Tashamber.

The BIG "O"
1 – Do you remember your first orgasm? How old were you? Tell us about it.

      I want to say I was about 22.  A girlfriend of mine recognizing my sensual life was lacking, and probably thinking I was repressed, bought me my first vibrator and encouraged me to use it.  It took me awhile to feel courageous enough to use it to actual orgasm.  The sensations and loss of control scared me. Still does sometimes.  I will also pull back sometimes.  Maybe I'm getting to the point where it's too difficult to be quite and others are home.  Oftentimes I JUST don't want to clean up the mess.  With a really good orgasm I ALWAYS ejaculate, and always being over the toilet or in the tub/shower can be uncomfortable.  I'll go long enough to take the edge off and feel good, but I wouldn't call it a true orgasm.
      She helped me in many ways by talking with me and helping me ease out of the box of sex not able to be about fun between two people.  We attended the Vagina Monologues with another friend in Chicago of 2000.  Back when Eve Ensler herself was still performing.  The sensations and loss of control scared me.  Still do sometimes.  Even letting go with someone I mostly trust can be difficult.  I can safely say that I have only met ONE man that I would feel truly emotionally and physically safe enough to let go on those levels.  Sadly, he is not available.  He is a dear friend (the one out of state)and we have wonderful flirt sessions and occasional naughty chats. 
      And I have met a woman with whom I felt that level of trust and attraction.  That's a first for me.  I'm definitely flexible, but mostly straight.  I offended her badly, and it's not to be.  (see Regrets #2 and #3).  For her, I think part of the inherant safety is that she IS a woman.  Far more difficult for a woman to sexually assault another woman than a man to sexually assault a woman. 
      I DO remember the first time I experienced sexual arousal.  I was about six.  A friend of mine and I were playing doctor.  Pretty tamely I might add.  Very sheltered when younger, and a pastor's kid.  She told me she needed a urine sample.  So, I took the plastic container thingy and stuck it in my underpants.  LOL  Somehow I moved JUST right, and it sent quite a shock of pleasure through me.  I tried to repeat the sensation numerous times, all for naught.  :(

2 – What is your favorite way to orgasm? (Sex, g-spot/p-spot, oral, etc).

      hmmmmm.  As I've mentioned before, I have very little experience overall.  But one thing I do REALLY enjoy is very deep, penetrative sex.  Not hard, but very firm and very deep.

3 – Are there any ways you want to experience an orgasm but haven’t yet? (oral, p-spot/g-spot, with or without a vibrator, squirt, etc).

      I'd really just like to experience good, consisten orgasms with a long-term partner I can trust and who cares about me, and vice versa.  I can cum orally sometimes, I can come vaginally if the penetration is done as described in number 3, and I can often come with a vibrator, dildo, or combination of the two.  Someone who truly makes me lose control, who I can relax with and really let go so that it goes to that next level is something that has been lacking in my sex life.  Good things come to those who wait.  My closest girlfriends are now all FINALLY partnered up and having excellent sex several times a week.  Therefore it must be my turn sometime soon.

4 – Have you ever had an orgasm in your sleep?
      Quite possibly, but I can't be sure.  I sometimes have incredibly erotic dreams.  I'll also have periods in trance or semi-wakefulness when I find myself dreaming about a partner.  Typically someone I have a good connection with friendship wise and just enough sexual tension to make flirting fun.  I'll be aware of myself moving about and feel rather rested when waking.  It's entirely possible he and I are having sex on the astral plane when that happens.

5 – What is the easiest/fastest way for you to have an orgasm?

      Using my most powerful vibrator.  I have one of those wands that plug into the wall.  (no batteries, hooray!!!)  It's got two settings, both of which are pretty fast.  One think I like is that I can press it firmly against my pelvis, and the vibrations transmit deep enough to give a nice sensation to labia and clit.  It's relatively quiet, and depending on pressure and location I can really get myself there quickly.  And I can often force myself there if not in the mood but really in need of release. 

6 – How many times a week do you try to reach orgasm?

      I typically do not masturbate weekly.  When I do masturbate, it's usually around 2x/day or 2-3x over a period of 2-3 days.  I will go through periods when I masturbate more regularly.  My sex life, like the rest of me, goes in cycles.  It's part of my disease.  See I'd like to Buy an "O" please.

7 – Have you ever had an orgasm at the same time as your partner? Who normally cums first?

      No.  If I cum, I cum first.  Those are the ones who have made sure I've gotten there.  Many lovers have not gotten me there.  And my first lover (see number 10 for this week), more often than not I told him not to wait for me.  And he'd been celibate for quite a while when we finally had intercoursre, so he didn't tend to last long.  Embarrassing for him, frustrating for me.  I did my best to be nice about it.  I know he felt awful.  It was written in every line of his body.

8 – Can you have multiples?

      Uh, kind of?  I'm not quite sure.  I can get close, and bring myself down, and go back up.  Or I can get really intense, come down or take a short break and get back up.  But I'm honestly not sure if that's more than one orgasm, or just taking more time to build to a more powerful one.  Maybe an experienced lover could help me answer that Q.  I know there's a certain amount of internal spasming/clenching involved that 'signals' orgasm.

9 – How long does it normally take you to reach orgasm?

      Depends on mood, emotionally and physically.  I'd say 5 minutes minimum, but probably closer to 15 on average when going solo.  Keep in mind I'm guessing.  Not sure with a partner.  I'd say 10-20 minutes or longer when sexting.  The friend who accomodated me that way really make sure to build the tension for me, and it's was almost always done via text message.  That can be tricky, and not just mess wise.  Some of the most powerful orgasms I've had since Feb, though, have been sexting with my friend now out of state.  The first time we had a dirty chat was via IM.  He took it so slow and was so incredibly tender setting the scene that I wept.  He went on for probably close to an hour, with a bit of input from me.  He was impressed that I wasn't furiously masturbating.  I told him that I had really needed the sensuality and emotional exchange that night.  He understood.  Bless him.  He has helped me to truly heal, explore, and expand.
      I almost ALWAYS use a vibrator when masturbating.  I really don't have the time or patience to go it the old fashioned way.  I can get there with or without a partner, but they're usually more satisfying on my own.  Sex is a power exchange, and energy exchange, and a form of intimacy.  Once I choose to only share with those whom I truly trust anymore.  I've tried the FB and one-night hook-up, and it leaves me wanting.
      A priestess colleague of mine said something I found very profound this summer.  She said, if you aren't willing/prepared to stand in ritual circle with soneone, do you really want to have sex with them?  Sabbat ritual is one of the most intense forms of power sharing that exists for pagans.  Followed closely by very intense sex when the emotional connection is there.  That has caused me to re-evaluate some things.

10 – Have you ever faked one?

      Yes, with the first true lover I had.  By that I mean the man who relieved me of my virginity. I'd had  oral and played with others, but he was my "first" You can read that in Regrets #1.  I faked it to try to avoid hurting his feelings. More than once I was at a point where I wanted to stop, even though I was enjoying myself. Faking it seemed the easiest way to do it. I faked when we had oral a few times before we had intercourse.  I never faked with intercourse.  Everything was still too new in too many ways.  And looking back, he wasn't as much of a giving lover as he thought he was.  The healer in me required me to put HIM first, and not be selfish enough to take/demand my own pleasure.  I need a lover who ignores that.  Who pushes firmly but gently so that I DO get what I need.  I've had one or two do that.  One far better than another.  He was the one-night-stand I had over Easter 2010. See Getting Off, #4.

No BONUS question.  How disappointing.  Good questions though.  Many thanks to Naughty Tashamber.  Don't forget to visit TMI Tuesday to see who played this week.  And feel free to join us!


  1. I love how you answer the questions in deep details!!
    and like me you remember the age of your first orgasm!
    I can't say i have to clean any messes when I cum :/ i don't ejaculate and kinda wish I did!

    Happy TMI


  2. My cousin, Cleo, teases me that I tend to channel dead Russian novelists when I write emails ;) I'm just a TAD verbose. Glad you liked it.

  3. Jill loves her AC-powered toys, especially her Eroscillator. We have a lot of battery-operated toys including some that are rechargeable, but few things are more awesome for her than knowing that the vibrator that is helping her reach orgasm isn't going to run out of power before she can.

    Great answer to #7. Call me old fashioned, but I've always been of a mind that the woman gets off first. And it's something I live by, even now.

    Also, we agree with Aluv! The detail with which you imbue your answers is appreciated!


  4. i feel ya, if i can channel my idol Dostoevsky in any way in my writing, whether it's an email, post, or novel, i'm on the right track. there is no verbose, just free-form writing, always let the many many words flow forever :)

  5. Great answers! I too loved the detail you gave for each answer. Your mention of the plug in toys reminds me of my Hitachi that I should take out, as it has been years since I used it.

  6. First, thank you for visiting my blog and always leaving such thought-provoking comments.

    Second, I loved your thorough answers on this week's TMI Tuesday.

    Third, thank you for the link back to TMI Tuesday blog.