Wednesday, August 15, 2012

TMI Tuesday: Regrets

Here is TMI Tuesday for this week.  Our friends over on WordPress say:

Looking back on our lives, we can have a mix of reactions to the things we’ve done. When it comes to sex, our memories can color us with pride, fondness, nostalgia, indifference, or all too often, regret.

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions delve into things that people typically regret later in life. How much do you regret, if at all, any of the following?

1. Do you regret how you “lost” your virginity? If yes, why and to whom would you have preferred to have lost it?
Not exactly. I chose a close friend, and waiting until I was almost 30. The AIDS panic of the 1980s made an impression on me. I didn't want an STD or unplanned pregnancy. My high school and college years I was focused on school, not dating, and then in my early/mid 20s I was very very ill. I would have preferred him to have treated me better afterwards from an emotional perspective. But we cared for each other, and we went in eyes open with certain understandings.
2. Have you ever lived a moment in your life where you said Yeah, I’m not going to ever tell anyone about that.” Describe that moment or incident.There are still parts of my life that fall under that umbrella. Sorry gang, you ain't getting those details. And anything that USED to fall under that umbrella, only a select few have or are getting the truth outta me.
3. Do you regret having acted on a sexual impulse? If yes, please describe.Sort of. I had two one-night stands that I'm not thrilled about. I learned from each experience, but I'm rather unhappy with myself for potentially putting my health and safety at risk that way.

I got into the moment in a major way with a friend earlier this year, playing around in his car. I crossed a line. One that had been well defined, explained and agreed upon. I regret violating his trust, and putting him in that position.

4. Do you regret not having had sex with someone who you could have had sex? If yes, would you do it over and have sex?The friend I spoke about in number four. It may have been possible for us to become lovers in a poly-type situation. He, his wife, and me. I'm sorry for violating both their trust, and sorry we never became lovers. I know it would have been incredible on every level. And a helluva lot of fun.
5. Do you regret not having asked out or tried to hook up with someone you really liked out of fear of rejection only to later learn that person wanted you, too? If yes, please describe.uhhhhh, maybe? I can't of anyone I that I REALLY wanted to sleep with once upon a time. My libido is pernicious, and I'm incredibly cautious. And picky. Those aren't synonymous. I was attracted to/half in love with, a friend many years ago. And hindsight being 50/50 I know he wanted in my pants. I made my position clear, and even tried to kiss him once or twice. He never stepped up.
6. Do you regret having done a particular sex act? If yes, please describe.Welllllllllllllll, yes and no. I'm more embarrassed. One night a friend and I got drunk. There had been sexual tension on my part, and he knew it. We had fooled around once before, and he gave me an INCREDIBLE orgasm that one time. Talented tongue. But we got drunk and had sloppy sex with his older brother asleep next to us in the same bed.

BonusDo you regret not having told someone you love them? Romantic, not familial or friendship love.Actually, I'm very careful about this. If you read my blog from last Friday I talk about it a bit. I lost a friend my freshman year of college. Ben was probably THE best friend I've had in my life. I didn't realize that about him until he was gone, that he was my best friend I mean. He was only in my life for 2 years, but in those years he was my confidant. He supported me, listened to me, and gave good hug. :D Ben knew I loved him. Everyone did, there's no way they didn't. Saying goodbye after I graduated high school (he was 2 years my junior) was difficult for both of us. Neither one of us wanted to let go. We knew things were changing.

But I don't know that I ever said the words to him. The days immediately after his death are fuzzy.  My grief was very intense and I was in the middle of several very important things at school. I think I remember bemoaning that I'd never told him of my love for him. Now, though, I am confident he knew.

Losing him so unexpectedly, a strong young man cut down in his prime, taught me to ALWAYS share my love for those in my life. Some people really need the words. Some people don't always understand that actions convey the words. So every so often, I make sure I say them.


  1. At least you are honest if not forthcoming. ;) I know what you mean about Ben...I agree with you that he knew you loved him.

  2. Thanks, NV. It's always good to hear someone else tell me that. And I'll clarify for other readers in case it wasn't transparent-- there was nothing sexual or romantic between he and I.

  3. It's a shame that it frequently takes unexpected, tragic loss to make us express our feelings with regard to love. But I've seen it happen in my own family, and it's not something one tends to take for granted thereafter.