TNH-- Unfinished, Letting Go

 I decided to go with the two alternative themes of unfinished and letting go this week, instead of the primary theme of bridges.  I live in Saint Louis, so between the Missouri and Mississipi Rivers, I have MANY choices for bridges.  For the most part, though, they accomodate trains and cars.  That can be a tad challenging, and chancy for someone without a vehicle.

Plus, that meant getting to a river.  I'm doing the decapitated chicken MARATHON right now (as opposed to my typical jig), so I'm simplifying and minimizing whereever possible(a).  Yeah, I'm being literal.  Bite me.  :p

And be warned, this reads more like a blog entry than a TNH this week. 

Let's start with the letting go theme.  We all have times of stress.  We all know that letting it go would benefit us, but it's often easier said than done.  Even if you're regularly excersizing, eating right, and doing all the little things that yogis and physicians alike teach us will help lower stress, sometimes it isn't enough.  There's the intro.  Here's the segue---

In many cultures there are symbolic and ritual ways to release things that harm us, or that no longer serve us in a positive way.  Habits, addictions, emotions, etc etc etc.  Part and parcel to this is signalling a change, moving on to a new phase if you will.  One of these methods involves the cutting of one's hair.  Historically, Roman Catholic nuns we shorn clean upon taking their final vows.  Many reasons for that but the example is a good one.  Even today when people enter boot camp in the US miltary, all men get a military haircut.  Beyond the rational of convenience/cleanliness, it signals the beginning of their service.  It separates them from the general population, their time before enlistment, and creates a bond among their fellow service personel. 

I wear my hair short, mostly for convenience.  I work.  I commute via mass transit.  I go to school.  Every minute NOT spent on hair care is another minute spent sleeping or something else.  I am blessed to have very thick, healthy hair. And a LOT of it. Any person who has ever cut it (and there are many, since I go to the bargain places these days) remarks upon it. I warn them to set aside extra time for me. ;) A good hairdo goes a LONG way towards helping me feel presentable.  But I also hate having my hair on my neck or in my face.  When it was still long, 95% of the time it was back in a ponytail or in a French braid.  I don't really see the point in having long hair when I wasn't doing anything with it.  Another reason I keep it short.  Plus I save a lot of money on shampoo and conditioner.

One challenge of short hair, is that you have to keep on top of it.  Especially if the cut looks awful when not maintained.  Last December I managed to get a FANTASTIC cut.  Haven't gotten it quite back there, sadly, but I'm mostly able to tell the gals what I want.  As it grows out, it continues to look decent for about an inch to inch and a half.  It's one of those styles that needs very little work.  With next to no effort it's everyday casual.  With some gel I can look ready to go clubbing.  With a round brush and some time I can look very classy, ready for a formal event.  LOVE IT.

front view, tucked, December 2011

front view, messy/fun

side view, partially pulled-up

I apologize for the poor photo quality. These were taken with an older phone. I keep these to show the stylists to give them an idea what I want. It grew out BEAUTIFULLY. I let it go a little bit longer than I should, but as you can see, it was still manageable in mid March, just before I got a cut.

taken by a friend with his professional grade camera, quite the difference, huh?
and yes, that is my natural color.  and it was full of sweat, so not quite right.  I am blessed.  :D

I think by now everyone realizes my point-- I am overdue for a haircut. This is what I looked like earlier yesterday (Weds):


horrible lighting.  the shape is overgrown, so not cut well to begin with.  And, as I got a little more skilled blocking out my face, I decided to have a little fun.

But I'm not done talking.  :D  There are some cultures that consider it a great sign of trust to leave a physical part of yourself with someone.  By this I mean a lock of hair, fingernail, or even bit of blood.  Even today there are some spiritual paths that use these items for magic, spell-working and the like.

I know this to be true, because I am one of them.

Now ethics, belief, and stereotyping aside-- I DO know people who refuse to let strangers cut their hair.  Both in everyday American society, and among more shamanistic peoples in North America (whether they be of Native American decent or not)  Personally, I have no fear of someone stealing m hair to work their negative will against me.  Most of the time, I leave my hair at the salon, though sometimes I take it with me and put it in my garden.


I stopped at the crash pad quickly yesterday afternoon to get a bite to eat before heading to the salon.  Only to have my hostess stumble in ill, and promptly fall on her bad knee.  SO I spent last night helping her and didn't get my hair cut.  DAMNIT.  Earliest I can get to it is Saturday.

Why is this so important to me?  Well, I'm having a difficult time right now.  After a cut I can feel the tangible difference when I run my fingers through my hair.  I can see the change in the mirror.  My intent was to take my hair with me.  So that in my hand, I'd have evidence of something that had changed.  Something that I wanted would have gotten accomplished.  Something that makes ME feel better.



Evidently, the unfinished bit of this week will last longer than anticipated.

So this weekend, I am committing to myself to get a trim and do as previously intended.  When I sit in the chair (and who doesn't love the endorphin rush you get from someone messing around up there) I'll focus on letting myself relax.  Releasing what I can, and enjoying the physical sensations.  I haven't yet decided WHAT to do with the cuttings, but whenever/whenever I do cast it from me I will do so with conscious intent.  Prayers for better things and the removal of that which hurts me.  Prayers that the myriad of things currently in flux, and very UNfinished might move towards completion. 

But on the FINISHED side of things, I did shave my legs.  :D

before I thinned the forest.  chainsaws are our friends  ;)

(a) Shameless plug/bitching and moaning-- I'm currently without permanent address.  I'm bouncing around on different friends' couches living out of a bag.  My things are in storage and my dog is 3 hours away with my parents.  I had to get out of a very dangerous housing situation very quickly.  SOOOOO I'm a little stressed.  Prayers and positive energies directed my way would be GREATLY appreciated.

TMI-- Gettin' Off

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions are about gettin’ off. When you need it, you just gotta get it anyway you can.

1. Have you ever initiated a booty call?
kind of

2. Have you ever accepted a booty call?
yes.  to clarify numbers one and two, I shopped around for booty calls via internet a few times about 2 years ago.  I don't think of that as traditional booty call, though.  I didn't know the men before or after the interlude.

3. Ever had a “friend with benefits” relationship? How long did it last? Are you still friends or acquaintances with that person? Are you still having sex with that friend?
Yes, I have.  It lasted about 2 1/2 months, it ended very badly.  I never want to see, or hear from, him again.  I have saved his email in my online account and all his phone numbers in my cell in case he ever tries to contact me.  That way I can screen should he ever try.  The sex wasn't that great, but for awhile it scratched an itch.

4. Tell us about your best one-night stand, what made it so good?
Well, it was more of 18 hours in a hotel than one night ;)  had to drive 2 hours to meet him at a hotel, and he the same.  That contributed to it being 'best'.  No mess to clean up, no worries about seeing people ever again, and I could be as loud as I wanted.  Easter weekend, 2009.  His body was absolutely divine, and all from hard work.  Not a minute in the gym.  He had the largest cock I'd ever experienced, or even SEEN, at that point and he knew how to use it.  He could hit my cervix, g-spot, everything!  And he always made sure I came.  Some of the best sex I've had.

5. When was your last one-night stand?
September 2010, Labor Day weekend.  Drunk, sloppy sex with a friend while his older brother slept next to us in the same bed.  Not my finest moment.

6. What’s the grimiest, dirtiest place that you’ve had sex?
N/A  if I know a place is filty, I don't get down.

Bonus: What's the one random thing you wish your friends knew about you?
random, hmmmmmm, I have a very little understanding of how much I've accomplished and how far I've come.  I've always held myself to very high standards.  I just do what I do because I can/it needs to be done.  I truly don't see that I have a choice in many matters so I keep on.  Too many things are at stake in others' lives if I fall.  I need to be reminded that I'm stronger than I know.  That where I am took a great deal of courage and hard work.  I can see it for others of similar ilk, but not for myself.  I need them to remind me, to help me remember, and make me believe it sometimes.  I get stressed and overwhelmed, and still feel a LOT of fear.  More than I'd like.  I could use some help being brave.

And it would be REALLY FUCKING NICE if people answered the phone on occasion.  I call to chat and check in because I care about them.  Not to complain or ask for help.  (I'm really really bad at asking for help, which they all know).  Having someone ELSE make the initiating phone call, text, or email.... that would be a nice change.  To know I'm thought of on occasion.

TMI throwback-- 163

Once again I'm revisiting OLD TMI posts.  I wasn't sure if I'd care for this week's TMI Tuesday, it's not always my cup of tea.  I am trying to be a little more prolific among our naughty little community, so I figure this helps me to catch up a bit.  The following questions originate from TMI #163, on December 2, 2008.  I found it while perusing old entries by NV on his first blog.  NV closed that one for comments when he started Secret Spot 2.0 in January of this year, but it's still visible to the public and very entertaining reading.

Yes, he knows I stalk him, and hasn't called the authorities one me.  Yet.  Such a magnificent cock ....... (fans self)

OK

I liked the questions asked on that particular day.  I tried to find the original TMI Tuesday post, but it seems to have disappeared with it being locked down, yadda yadda.  If you want to read NV's answers from that day, you can find them here.  NV submitted the Qs that week, and was thrilled to have them selected.  Following his lead, I will answer two times.  First from an everday perspective, and secondly from a sexual one.


1. What are your turn ons?
From an everyday persepctive I'd have to say intelligence, humor, kindess, and to an extent, education.  I prefer to surround myself with people similar to myself in those regards.  I am intellegent, educated, and a WORD NERD.  So if you can spar with me verbally, I want to be in your life even peripherally.

From a sexual perspective, looking at the physical only, I'm a sucker for a gorgeous set of eyes, men in glasses, a nice set of strong arms with broad shoulders, and men with large, strong hands.  (shudder)  Him being several inches taller than I is also my preference.  It makes me feel more feminine and petite.  Returning to the non-physical-- I mentioned word nerd-- loooooong periods of flirting via text, IM, email, across the table at lunch.... does it every time.  There are other things, certainly, but if I had to pick JUST ONE that I know is always relevant, I choose intellectual foreplay. 

And a man who can dance............ oh mama!


2. What are your turn offs?
Everyday-- rudeness, condescension, unwillingness to listen.  Everyone has a bad day; I get that.  But I do not have time for people who can't at least be civil on a daily basis.

Sexually-- I cannot STAND to be tickled.  And if you sneak up behind me thinking it's funny and manage to catch me unawares (which is rare) and tickle me, there's a very good liklihood you'll get decked.  It's reflexive for me, and I can't always pull the punch once I realize who it is.  Too much talking in bed can be a problem, as can the type of talk.  There's a line between erotic and explicit.  9 times out of 10 explicit is going to turn me off, or worse.


3. Not counting your turn-ons, what's the best trait a person can have?
Everyday-- integrity.  I chose this word carefully.  We all have strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes we falter.  But integrity encompasses many characteristics that I want in friends, family, and lovers.  Now, if you're a member of my inner circle, you have to have patience.  I'm blessed to have many people who love me, despite what a massive pain in the ass I tend to be.  So patience is a must.  As is having the ability to help me laugh, at myself and the world in general.  I tend to take things WAY too seriously.

Sexually-- I repeat with the patience.  I can count and remember all the lovers I've had, and name each except my one night stand.  I can count the men I've had intercourse with on one hand.  I find it daunting to enter into ANYTHING with a man at this point in my life, knowing that my abilities, skills, knowledge, etc is going to be woefully lacking.  So the willingness to let me find my own pace and learn is important.  Along with that comes experience, experience is a boon.  Someone who knows enough to help me discover in an atmosphere of trust and safety.  Widsom/experience helps with that.

And there's a certain level of confident, almost arrogant leadership exhibited by trustworthy men in a bedroom sense that just buckles my knees.  I'm one of those strong women who looks for someone else to be in control for a little while, even if it's temporary or illusory.


4. Not counting your turn-offs, what's the worst trait a person can have?
Everyday and sexually-- being unreliable.  Not following through.  I'm a busy woman, and when someone offers to do something for me or commits to do something, I need to know that it will get done.


5. What's your biggest pet peeve?
hmmmm, from an everyday perspective this is tough.  My brother clicks his pen as a nervous tick.  That gets on my nerves, but thankfully I don't see that brother very often.  People who are unnecessarily loud bother me, or who are loud all the time.  And I don't mean shouting to be heard across a room or someone hard of hearing who doesn't understand where her volume is.  People who text and drive both bother AND frighten me.  People who answer text messages during mealtime, or who consistently check their texts/messages when we're having a sit down conversation also get on my nerves.

Sexually-- I HATE having to always, or almost always, be the initiator. 

I dislike it when men try to direct my head if I'm going down deep throat.  Moving me to where he wants, fine.  Keeping my head where he wants it, fine.  Pulling himself further in, or locking me in place...... sometimes I choke.  That scares anyone and it breaks my rhythm.  Head is not about D/s for me, it's about mutual pleasure.  And to an extent, me having control in the sense that I'm driving my partner wild.  I'm not really sure how to articulate that one.

And I cannot STAND IT when men go straight for my crotch.  Let me warm up a bit please!  My clit, even when asleep, is FAR more sensitive than your cock.  That's scientifically documented.  There are twice the nerve endings in the clitoris than in the entire penis.  Lubrication does NOT EQUAL arousal, guys.  Not mentally, emotionally, or sometimes even physically.  Human bodies have adapted to survive, and if the hinderregion of a woman's brain thinks sex is imminet whether she wantsw it or not, oftentimes her body lubricates.  It's a defensive mechanism.

Or when kissing he immediately sticks his tongue down my throat.  Kissing is intimate for me, and while linked it's sex, it isn't something I engage in with all partners.  Bad kissing ruins things for me.  I know some of these are probably turn offs, but for some reason the pet peeves section felt more appropriate.


Bonus-- describe your best and worst experience
I'm a rare bird in one particular area of my life.  As loquacious as I am; by personality, upbringing and education; there have been a few very specific moments in my life that I treasure so keenly, I do not share them.  They are my own.  I pull them out and wrap around myself, reliving them in mind and spirit to the best of my ability.  In this way they stay untarnished.  Certain moments that I treasure are just for me.

And I rarely discuss my 'worst' experiences, sexual or otherwise.  That is what therapy and very close friends are for.  Now bad days, bad experiences?  Oh you betcha!!  Venting it my friend.  Like all of us I've had plenty of disappointing sexual interludes.  I will say that my first experience receiving cunnilingus was very disappointing.  Now to be fair, I didn't know what to expect.  My college boyfriend, I have no idea how experienced he was in these things.  Certainly more experienced in general, he dated from 6th grade on and I didn't have one real date in high school.  He was very strong in his feelings that certain things should wait until marriage, so we never went beyond oral.  I remember not getting much out of it, and that he really wasn't anywhere near my clit.  Just spent a lot of time sticking his tongue into my vaginal opening.  Now, had other techniques been engaged that might have been enjoyable.  But since that's all it was.... meh.  Not so much. 



And if anyone if wondering, yes, I AM buttering NV up with all these shout outs.  I'll leave it to y'all to wonder what I'm trying to get out of him.  :D

TNH-- fear, addiction, pleasure

Integrating this week's 3 themes for TNH was very easy conceptually, though getting the shots proved rather challenging.

This week's TNH-- main theme of Fear, with secondary themes of Addiction and Pleasure-- was inspired by something I read on NV's blog back in March.  In it, he mentioned a game he and a woman he knows played on a regular basis.  She would ask him what type of underwear she was wearing for the day, and he would have to guess.  If he guessed correctly, then she had to snap a naughty photo of her.

I liked the idea of that game very much.  So I started playing it with a man I know, now living out of state.  I've mentioned him before in my TMI throwback the other week.  I would give him the options every day-- type of fabric, cut of garment (boy shorts, thong, etc), pattern or plain, if plain, then color.  Sometimes I made it difficult in how I posed the question.  Some were 50/50 answers, some weren't.  Occasionally he got it correct, but more often than not, he missed one part.

I quickly became addicted to the game.  I loved the thrill of knowing he was looking at me partly clothed.  Especially since I knew he was doing it at work.  I loved knowing that he enjoyed the game as much as I did.  It gave me great pleasure.  The potential of a reward enticing him. And the fear?  What if he guessed correctly?  Then I'd have to pay up.  And sometimes what he asked of me REALLY pushed my limits. 

But he understood me well, having an idea of just what would be too much.  More often than not I had to take the revealing photo, or follow through on the resulting order at work or school.  That also contributed to my fear.  Dropping trou in the bathroom stall to take a photo?  Yikes!  I have to admit to getting a decent amount of pleasure, a rush if you will, of following his instructions.

We no longer play our game, out of respect for his new partner.  More's the pity.  He may have been tiring of the game, I don't know.  I didn't ask.  Hopefully we can find a new, permissible game at some point.

But as to this week's actual post-- quite a bit of FEAR getting this up and running.  As I've already mentioned, I'm currently without internet where I'm crashing.  Posting from a smartphone is decidedly difficult, although I am able to do the typing without too much worry at a computer lab.  I'm currently at my volunteer job writing this.  It's Wednesday afternoon, and I have a modicum of privacy.  I really wanted to do something fancy, like give you some preview shots of some of my undies.  I have a variety, and several favorites.  But I think getting up one shot may be pushing my luck as is!!!  I snuck into the fully enclosed handicapped stall, and did my best to get a shot for you.  And I can't preview here, only able to unlock one blogger window at a time due to safety filters. 

and now it's Thursday morning, and I'm having to review and post from an open computer in the student Union at school.  Having to load the image from here also.

and YIKES with the FEAR!
I hope everyone enjoys it!!!!!!!

Don't forget to check out The Naughty Hangout to see who else played this week!

TMI Throwback

This week's TMI held very little relevence for me, so I'm doing a throwback.  Today's TMI Throwback comes from March 29, 2011 and it's kind of random.

1. Who would you call for bail money?
That's a no brainer, my cousin, Cleo. Sadly, she's 6 hours away by car. But she would still be my first thought!

2. Your life has been threatened unless you do one of the three folllowing things. Which would you do? Why?
a. Do a sanctioned and well-promoted strip tease at a WWE event
b. Have sex with anyone of your choosing in a full of trash garbage dumpster
c. Star in your own Girls Gone Wild video knowing that it will be distributed, for free, in your hometown.
Another no brainer-- B. Neither A nor C is something I could walk away from personally or professionally. ESPECIALLY professionally. And the thought of each gives me an eye twitch. But B.... if we have good footing and can stand up it could be workable. He could be fully covered except having his cock out. I could wear stuff on my legs all the way up and a long skirt, and be covered everywhere else. Get in, get it done, get out. Followed by burning whatever we had been wearing and a very thorough self-scrub that would exceed CDC standards for outbreak protocols.

3. What is your most hated chore on your household chore list?
hmmmmm, I don't know that I HATE any chore per se, though some of them sometimes get on my nerves. Like never-ending laundry or dishes. Back in the day though, I'd have said cleaning the litter box. Dogs are more work in many ways, but picking up a yard is less odious to me than changing litter.

4. Do you do any chores naked? Which one(s)?
I'll start laundry nude after stripping down. But actually DOING chores naked... sometimes I'll do dishes. I'm very clothing casual in my own home, and some friends' homes, but when doing chores a little clothing is usually recommended.  I mean, do you want to cook at a hot stove without at least an apron on in case of spill or splatter?

5. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you turn out to do that?
uhhh, for awhile I wanted to be a trial lawyer a la LA Law. Didn't become an attorney. Thought about being a professional singer/performer, but by late high school decided I didn't want to be a starving artist. Beyond that, I can't remember.

6. One of your scars, how did you get it?
I have a small, oval keloid in the middle of my chest just under my neck. It's from a drain when I had surgery my freshman year of college. Had part of my thyroid removed.

7. What is on the wall in your bedroom?
Right now, nothing. I'm in between housing situations and am crashing with friends.  I miss my dog.  :((

8. Do you snore, grind your teeth, or talk in your sleep?
snore--yes, sometimes. It's pretty quiet, but a little louder when very tired or congested.
grind my teeth-- sometimes. Started when a bad car accident screwed up my neck alignment. When I have scowl lines on my forehead in the morning I know that I was grinding/clenching and my stress level is higher than I'd previously realized. Chipped teeth that way.
talk in my sleep-- yes, sometimes. Apparently I can be very entertaining.

9. What type of music do you listen to?
I don't listen to a lot of music these days. But I was raised on folk and 80s popular music. I enjoy show tunes and classical on occasion, listen to Indie and filk by little known artists, but mostly stick to instrumental, new age, and nature sounds. Running water and rain are VERY relaxing for me. I prefer nature sounds WITHOUT accoustical music paired with it.

BONUS: Buried or cremated? Why?
Cremated. There is NO reason to buy a casket, plot, and headstone. My spirit is gone, body an empty shell. Save the money and the ground space. I'll pick a nice spot where you can spread me out and release what is left of me back to earth. After a certain specific bits are dedicated to science, and organs donated if possible.

TNH-- Faded, New

Sadly, for this week's TNH, I didn't have to think.  The alternate theme of new occurred quite unexpectedly, and without any joy on my part.

Last Thursday (lovely weather that day) I sat down to wait for the bus.  I was tired, it would be a good 20 minutes, and I didn't feel like holding my bags of groceries.  At some point I felt what seemed to be a sharp pinch or two, as if something had bitten me.  I rubbed and scratched and did my best to ignore it.  After arriving home I continued to rub and scratch periodically throughout the night.  I asked my new roommate to take a look for me.

She told me I had a welt, and asked if I wanted alcohol.

I told her that I had already applied witchhazel, but I couldn't see and wanted to be sure.  I went to bed Thursday night, scratching occasionally.  Got up on Friday, showered, and went about my day.  Mid afternoon my inner hip/upper butt on the right side was still bothering.  I asked a friend to take a look.  She replied that I had multiple welts.  So I asked her to take a picture so I could get a better idea.

taken at approximately 1:30, Friday afternoon.  

As you can see above, I have several larger welts, and many smaller ones, working their way south along my ass.  The creasing towards the upper part of the picture on my skin is from my waistband.  So that gives you an idea for distance.

I put more alcohol on it, tried not to scratch, and sent this photo out to my mother and a few select friends.  By then I was wondering if I had been bitten, or reacted to a plant or something else.  Louis kept saying he thought it was poison ivy.  EEEEEK!  He has had it more than once on his nether regions, poor schmuck.  I KNEW it wasn't fleas.  My dog doesn't have them, they aren't in my bed, and really I'd have more bites everywhere for fleas.

I finished going about my day.  When I FINALLY got home around midnight, I sent out another text.  My mother, the nursing instructor told me it looked like plant.  My sister suggested chiggers.  I twisted and turned tot he best of my ability in the mirror.  Many new ones.  They were larger, further down, and far more of them.  I PRAYED it wasn't poison ivy.  Hoping for chiggers, because those fuckers you can suffocate, I went in search of the nail polish.

I wasn't able to find my clear polish, just one of my nicer, far more expensive colors.  I spent a good 15 minutes on tiptoe in the bathroom, twisting/turning to see, painting a pretty good swatch of ass and hip.  The aforementioned, new roommate inquired about the smell.  I pulled up my nightgown and flashed her my ass.

Sorry gang, didn't think to get a shot of that.  It stung like a sonuvabitch as I did it, but I stopped itching.  So I was thankful.  Waking up Saturday morning, much of the polish had flaked off.

In this shot you get an idea of just how large an area it was.  You can also see how red and angry my skin was.  The benadryl helped with the itch reaction, but the swelling was still prominent.

Louis kept saying poison ivy.  It was creeping SCARILY close to my vag for comfort, so I kept praying he was wrong.  My mother continued to say plant, but not what.  Personally, I have NO idea how poison ivy could have gotten to me at the bus stop in the middle of north city.  There wasn't anything that tall or obvious.  Having the nail polish on helped me keep my hands out of my pants.  By then, I'd already known that I was going to use this for TNH this week.

Roommate and I discussed using her VERY loud, neon nail polish colors to paint a smiley face on my ass.  LOL  She has a great sense of humor, and I'd wanted to repaint.  Sadly, our gas was out.  So not hot water for a decent scrub.  I decided to leave well enough alone in the hopes of no spreading, and the 2nd alternate theme wasn't realized.

Saw the doc for a regular check-up Monday and had her look at my ass while I was there.  Yes, probably plant.  But healing, no worries.  She asked questions to rule out all kinds of unpleasantness.  She just told me to leave it alone and apply calomine or cortisone as needed.

As of today, though, the main theme of faded is fully realized.  Hallelujah!  It's been fading steadily, and still has a ways to go, but you can see how much it has calmed down.

So, there's my TNH journey for this week, complete with me flashing my ass at all kinds of women.  I truly hope that everyone else had more fun "playing" this week than I did!  Be careful out there!  And don't forget to check out The Naughty Hangout to see who else played!

TMI Tuesday: Regrets

Here is TMI Tuesday for this week.  Our friends over on WordPress say:

Looking back on our lives, we can have a mix of reactions to the things we’ve done. When it comes to sex, our memories can color us with pride, fondness, nostalgia, indifference, or all too often, regret.

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions delve into things that people typically regret later in life. How much do you regret, if at all, any of the following?

1. Do you regret how you “lost” your virginity? If yes, why and to whom would you have preferred to have lost it?Not exactly. I chose a close friend, and waiting until I was almost 30. The AIDS panic of the 1980s made an impression on me. I didn't want an STD or unplanned pregnancy. My high school and college years I was focused on school, not dating, and then in my early/mid 20s I was very very ill. I would have preferred him to have treated me better afterwards from an emotional perspective. But we cared for each other, and we went in eyes open with certain understandings.

2. Have you ever lived a moment in your life where you said “Yeah, I’m not going to ever tell anyone about that.” Describe that moment or incident.There are still parts of my life that fall under that umbrella. Sorry gang, you ain't getting those details. And anything that USED to fall under that umbrella, only a select few have or are getting the truth outta me.

3. Do you regret having acted on a sexual impulse? If yes, please describe.Sort of. I had two one-night stands that I'm not thrilled about. I learned from each experience, but I'm rather unhappy with myself for potentially putting my health and safety at risk that way.

I got into the moment in a major way with a friend earlier this year, playing around in his car. I crossed a line. One that had been well defined, explained and agreed upon. I regret violating his trust, and putting him in that position.

4. Do you regret not having had sex with someone who you could have had sex? If yes, would you do it over and have sex?The friend I spoke about in number four. It may have been possible for us to become lovers in a poly-type situation. He, his wife, and me. I'm sorry for violating both their trust, and sorry we never became lovers. I know it would have been incredible on every level. And a helluva lot of fun.

5. Do you regret not having asked out or tried to hook up with someone you really liked out of fear of rejection only to later learn that person wanted you, too? If yes, please describe.uhhhhh, maybe? I can't of anyone I that I REALLY wanted to sleep with once upon a time. My libido is pernicious, and I'm incredibly cautious. And picky. Those aren't synonymous. I was attracted to/half in love with, a friend many years ago. And hindsight being 50/50 I know he wanted in my pants. I made my position clear, and even tried to kiss him once or twice. He never stepped up.

6. Do you regret having done a particular sex act? If yes, please describe.Welllllllllllllll, yes and no. I'm more embarrassed. One night a friend and I got drunk. There had been sexual tension on my part, and he knew it. We had fooled around once before, and he gave me an INCREDIBLE orgasm that one time. Talented tongue. But we got drunk and had sloppy sex with his older brother asleep next to us in the same bed.

WINCE

Bonus: Do you regret not having told someone you love them? Romantic, not familial or friendship love.Actually, I'm very careful about this. If you read my blog from last Friday I talk about it a bit. I lost a friend my freshman year of college. Ben was probably THE best friend I've had in my life. I didn't realize that about him until he was gone, that he was my best friend I mean. He was only in my life for 2 years, but in those years he was my confidant. He supported me, listened to me, and gave good hug. :D Ben knew I loved him. Everyone did, there's no way they didn't. Saying goodbye after I graduated high school (he was 2 years my junior) was difficult for both of us. Neither one of us wanted to let go. We knew things were changing.

But I don't know that I ever said the words to him. The days immediately after his death are fuzzy.  My grief was very intense and I was in the middle of several very important things at school. I think I remember bemoaning that I'd never told him of my love for him. Now, though, I am confident he knew.

Losing him so unexpectedly, a strong young man cut down in his prime, taught me to ALWAYS share my love for those in my life. Some people really need the words. Some people don't always understand that actions convey the words. So every so often, I make sure I say them.

TMI Throwback: Sex and Romance

This TMI throwback comes from February 28th of this year.  The topic that day for TMI Tuesday was Sex and Romance.  The WordPress gang asked: "Who doesn't enjoy a little romance or the art of seduction before engaging in sex?  Often times the prelude is better than the actual event."

I agree wholeheartedly.  So here are the answers to the questions I chose:

What's more important, a romantic relationship or your career?

this is difficult to answer, many years ago it would have been a no-brainer, and now I'm not so sure.  All through my high school and college years, I was focused on getting my shit together.  Get the education, get the career, make your mark.  THEN look for love.  Well, I'm in my 30s and have neither career nor partner.  Careers can be satisfying and sustain you, but they're hardly enough.  In the last year I've been working on getting my professional life moving in the direction I want for many reasons, but among them I may never partner or have children.  Thus having something that gives me satisfaction and something to do with my time becomes very important.

I want a partner.  I want children of my own and have seriously considered fostering and adoption once I have more financial stability.  I have a manageable, genetic health condition which sometimes knocks me on my ass.  It has several times in the last year to different degrees of severity.  So I know going it alone as a single parent is not exactly wise.  Nor do I have a support system in place to help me.

But as to which is more important?  Neither.  Fremily is most important.  A rather interesting woman I know introduced me to the term "fremily".  I don't know if she coined it, but it's my new favorite word.  Fremily is friends and family.  The genetic people who truly are your family, and the non-genetic family (very good friends) who are close enough to be considered family.  Those who are your nearest and dearest.  Where you are always welcome, and remembered during good times and bad.

I'm blessed to have some truly wonderful people in my life, almost ALL of them are a minimum 3 hour drive away.  Gets rather frustrating when I want to hang out or if I'm having a particularly bad day/week/etc.  Gas is expensive and the modern world keeps everyone ridiculously busy.  So if I can't have a partner, I want a fremily.  Jobs come and go.  Careers can be built, rebuilt, or shifted laterally.  Fremily, once built, is forever.  I can be sister and aunt PP and be very fulfilled that way.  These days, I'm focused on being the member of a fremily or three.

So neither.  Whyever would I want to be the same as everyone else?  ;)

You love to role play in the bedroom, which one of these is more likely to be your kink?
a. doctor and the naughty nurse
b. you're the gardener, I'm the hoe
c. persnickety principal and the wayward pupil that needs a spanking
d. me Tarzan, you Jane
e. scatter-brained boss and the seductive secretary

hmmmm.  I'm rather new to roll-play, and mostly via sexting or sexy IM.  I rather enjoy it.  I have to say option C-- principal and student.  I've recently been able to experiment with spanking, and I REALLY like it.

REALLY like it.

A friend helped me experiment, and I think he really enjoyed it as well.  When we've sexted, we usually do it along the lines of teacher/student.  That works well for me.  I also like the idea of Me Tarzan, you Jane.  Never played that particular game, but there's something about the idea of controlled dominance that appeals to me.  The carefully controlled fantasy of being taken against a wall, over a couch, etc.  That turns me on.

When you want sex, who tends to make the first move?
a. Me! I like to go for what I want.
b. It varies. Sometimes my partner/significant other/date or sometimes me.
c. Oh definitely the other person.  Even if I want it, I'm not about to admit such a thing.
d. I drop subtle hints hoping s/he will pick up on it.

Weeeeellllll, I'll drop hints but I don't know how subtle they always are.  So D is part true.  As to C, it's not that I'm opposed to admitting I want sex, but I don't have a good track record when it comes to rejection.  So I'm not very confident initiating.  A is difficult for me where the bedroom is concerned.  B is always the ideal, of course.  I would be much happier/more comfortable if I had a partner who initiated often.  Then I'd be more confident as the initiator.

When it comes to lovemaking, select the answer that best describes you/your attitudes:
a. vanilla -- meets society's middle of the road standards
b. adventurous
c. kinky
d. trisexual -- I will try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. --Mae West

A, B, or C depending on my mood.  Quietly vanilla in missionary position can be very intense emotionally, and delightfully intimate.  Adventurous and kinky can also be fun.  I have a lot of things on my sex bucket list to cross off under those two categories.

But you can FORGET about D.  Some things are just NOT sanitary.  Some things aren't to my taste.  And some things....   I love Mae, though.  "When I'm bad, I'm very bad, but when I'm good I'm even better"  :D

You want to seduce that sexy someone, what is the sweet-nothing that you'll whisper in his/her ear?

When thinking about my most recent flirtation, actual whispering didn't work.  Most of our interaction was WAY too public.  Certain types of pictures were very effective.  >:)  Going commando, and telling him, got nice reactions.  As did asking for a spanking.  We had a LOT of intellectual foreplay via text.  I've gotten some great masturbation sessions out of them.  Sadly, I moved out of state and we don't get to play live any more.  Such is life.


BONUS: What's your idea of a romantic getaway?

This is actually VERY easy.  Someplace private in the woods near a body of water.  Hills or mountains a bonus.  Nature, beauty, quiet.  The ability to walk around in my birthday suit wherever I want.  A fireplace, a screened porch, places to walk and hike and watch and enjoy.  During cold weather the enforced solitude would be nice.  So would enduring lots of storms.  Wonderful to watch and listen to.  As long as there is plenty of food, indoor plumbing, and A/C in case of extreme heat ......  sign me up!

Saying the words

There are many different ways of expressing love and affection.  Gary Chapman breaks it down into 5 distinct love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch(1).  Different people have specific styles, and preferences, for both giving and receiving affection.  Sometimes people, such as myself, are a mix of more than one style.  When I first took the assessment(2) I wasn't surprised to learn that one of my top two preferred methods of recieving is quality time.  I was surprised to learn that almost tied with that is physical touch.  But it made sense looking at the questions.  Something I yearn for, and don't get nearly enough of, is time with loved ones and lots of good deep hugs and cuddles.

But I digress.  This entry is about words.  One of the ways I try to show affection is through words of affirmation.  Remembering to say thank you and tell people how much I appreciate them.  I find this is especially helpful with long distance relationships.  Most of my nearest and dearest are several hours away by car, and three require a plane ticket.  Also, many people in my life aren't touchy feely like I am.  Some of it has to do with place and time.  One friend, Louis, always gives me a loose hug.  I tease him about that.  But when I've had need he has held my hand, albeit in a private situation.

I am a word nerd.  I LOVE rhetoric, vocabulary, and learning word origins.  I studied communications in college and learned the axiom "words construct reality".  You can learn a lot about a person from what words they use and how they use them.  About their upbringing and opinions.  Then when I started studying alternative medicine I learned the axiom "thoughts construct reality".  So philosophy, medicine, and communications are blending with modern physics.  For these reasons, I choose my words carefully as much as possible.  I do not wish to offend, but beyond that I do not wish to reveal parts of myself to unknown individuals.  And I wish to construct my reality in the way that best benefits me.

Easier said than done.

There are times, though, that I need words.  One particular friend, Jenny, she NEVER hangs up the phone or says goodbye from a physical visit without telling me she loves me.  She also gives really long, tight hugs.  The kind you can sink into and never want to leave.  A Deaf-World hug if you will.  Both do my heart good.  I never heard those words enough as a child, or at least that's how it felt for a long time.  Nor did I hear my parents often tell me they were proud.  My father has gotten much better about it since I left home, but he tends to say "love ya, kid".  I've come to understand that my father is more about quality time and acts of service.  My mother acts of service, gift giving, and quality time.

But there are times that I really NEED the words.  Although, when my emotional needs are being met, the words become less important.  I'm secure in my life and in my relationships.  Refer to my other blog, Tales of Recovery, if you wish more insight into how my twisted little mind works.  The entry about my brother, Josh, speaks very keenly to my relationship with my parents.

So what made me think to write this blog now, today?  Last night before bed, I told Louis that I love him.  I don't know if I've done so before, or in that way, but for some reason it felt important for me to tell him.  We often text off and on throughout the day, and check in one last time before bed.  I texted "Good night, Louis. I love you."  He responded with a smiley face, which is what I'd expect from him.  Louis means a lot to me, and has really helped me get through some shit since the beginning of this year.  Louis is far less about words, and more about sharing himself.  For Louis, quality time via text or IM is his way of showing support.  It is an act of service.

Overachiever that he is, he combines 2 into 1.  ;)

I should clarify that Louis is VERY happily married.  I do not have designs on him.  I value him in a myriad of ways and would never do anything to upset his apple cart.  We have fun flirtations from time to time, but it doesn't go beyond that.

I didn't expect Louis to say the words back, nor do I ever expect him to do so.  I imagine he saves those for his wife, children, mother, and sister.  Maybe a few other select few.  Louis does use other words quite a bit, affirming a person's worth and abilities.  But those "three magic words" that can help or wound depending on the relationship have not passed his lips.  And again, I don't expect it.  Telling him I love him last night wasn't exactly MY need, but for some reason it felt appropriate.  Maybe a little voice in my head said he needed a pick me up.  Maybe it felt like a good time to actually tell him outright.  I don't know.  Words of love are not to be taken lightly or bandied about.In all actuality we have been friends for a very short span of time.  An INTENSE span of time in my world, and I'd classify our friendship as strong, deep, and nuanced. 

When the L word is uttered, the individual have any expectation to hear them back.  Actual love means taking a person as s/he is.  Not wanting to change the other to suit your own wants or needs.  An act of love is freely given without the prospect of reciprocity.  Too often the phrase "I love you" is uttered casually, inappropriately even.  It's used to manipulate.  It's said to placate.  It flows freely without any real emotion behind it.

I VEHEMENTLY disagree with this.

Now, the English language does stink and the phrase "I love you" can be used to communicate a great deal of friendship, respect, or admiration for a person.  I can also be used ironically.  I admit to being guilty of this on a semi-regular basis.  Someone will tease me, saying something truthful with a slight edge.  I'll respond "I love you, too" but the words "thanks for that" can achieve the same meaning.  We also use the word love to connote a great degree of enjoyment.  Some people love ice cream.  Many other languages give different options.  Such is life.

But when using the phrase, I love you, I would far prefer to NOT hear them than have them used without their true intention.  Though, again, not all people use words.  There are many people in my life that I KNOW love me dearly.  Saying the words isn't their thing.  Their deeds, support, gifts speak volumes.  Understanding the love languages has helped me realize how much more there is to intimacy than previously realized.  Part of me understood, but it had never been spelled out to me before.  Making time for someone who is in need when your own life is hectic and in the toilet, THAT is love.

Louis is my friend.  I care for him tremendously, and he probably already knew it.  Now I have said the words.  I may never say them again, or not in such an earnest manner.  I know he cares for me in the way he listens and supports me.  I know he trusts me becuase of the things he has shared with me.  Things I'll wager he hasn't shared with many others.  He goes out of his way to make me smile when I'm having a bad day.  And much to my consternation, he is one of the few individuals who can make me blush.

I have said the words.  There is no need to say them again, although I may.  We show each other through respect, listening, and quality time that we value our relationship.  And THAT my friends is more than love, it's intimacy.  Because as any wise adult will tell you, sometimes love just isn't enough.



1- I highly reccomend checking out the site and taking the assessments.  Very interesting.  The books are worth a read also.  But be warned, they are mostly written from a married couples and Judeo-Christian perspective.

2- When I intially took the assessment, I did it from the wives perspective.  The assessment for singles wasn't yet available.  I took it in book form, instead of internet form, which I preferred.  The assessment consists of 50/50 type questions, much like the Myers Briggs personality tool.  I am FAR more complex, and picking one is semi-difficult.   Every time I take Myers Briggs I can't choose JUST one on most of the questions.  I pretty much split down the middle except for the 4th.  I am DEFINITELY a J archetpe.   So when scoring my love languages assessment I gave myself many half points.  The results were still very telling, though.

TNH: Urban, Old-Fashioned

The photos for this week's TNH were taken at the same time as last week's-- sneaking around at my friend's while crashing with her in town.  E lives in a very old, 7 story building.  It's a converted hotel.  I experimented with taking photos of the skyline, parking lot, etc but couldn't figure out how to get a shot other than hanging my leg out the window.

Which I did, but it scared the snot out of me.  I was balancing out an open window WITHOUT a handhold and trying not to drop my smart phone.  I succeeded in getting a shot, but wanted to do something more.

Then it occurred to me, the old elevator!!!

(circa 1920)

This thing is old, slow and LOUD.  You have to heave the outer door open, and the grate when boarded and exiting.  The wooden outer door will try to close on you if you're not careful.  And once inside, you must NOT close the grate.  When you select your floor, the elevator slams the grate shut with a loud clang.  If you shut it manually, the old biddy thinks it has arrived at it's destination.  You'll be stuck until someone else summons it to another level.

(yep, that's solid)

Thankfully I didn't have this experience because my friend warned me of it several times.  It's also very small, nor are the halls/elevator climate controlled.  Being stuck inside could get very ugly, very quickly.

But it might also make a nice, private space for a tryst.  :D

assume the position

And then.......................

Oh yes, right THERE, PLEASE, Sir!

And remember kids, Safety First!  :D

Don't forget to visit The Naughty Hangout to see who else played this week.  And for those of you who can't get enough of my legs, I posted some extra shots 'specially for you over on Tumblr

:-*

TMI Tuesday: What's the Question?

The TMI guys provided the Answer, now I must provide the question.  I thought these were kinda difficult, but here goes.


1. Answer: my butt
What's as white as Casper, the friendly ghost?

2. Answer: stiletto black leather pumps
What was the Domme wearing when she walked across her bottom's back?


3. Answer: hard and stiff
What's my favorite breakfast?


4. Answer: "By George, I think he's got it!"
Was Bobby finally able to find your G-spot?


5. Answer: socks
What's an easy, discrete way to hide your dildo?

TMI--Tiny Bubbles

Last summer I visited a friend of mine out in rural Illinois, near the Indiana border. Her family had FINALLY acquired a nice piece of property after trying for years. Three bedrooms, so both kids finally have their own. Living room, country kitchen, spare room. Car port, back deck area. Five acres of woods, hills, and some cleared space. It has an old well, and a prairie area for the horses. Finally getting their horses on THEIR property was incredible for them. A fire pit area, a woodland creek, a beautiful meadow in the middle of the woods.

My dog was in HEAVEN!

I enjoyed myself also. My friend's daughter is my favorite neice, and I never get to spend enough time with her. She's growing up so fast I can't believe my eyes. My dog and I had several very nice days decompressing away from the city.

The last full day there, I took a bath. And not just A bath, but a jacuzzi bath. Their combo tub/shower is a mini-whirlpool. Long enough for me to sit with my legs stretched out all the way, plus a bit of wiggle room. The sides are very tall, so I was able to stretch back with good support behind me and feel nicely ensconsed. I carry ALL my stress in my hips and thighs, so I threw in the epsom salts and had a VERY nice, long soak. I played with the location and pressure on the various jets, getting every nook and cranny I had. I'm fairly flexible, and there are SO many jets in that particular tub, that I was able to aim the pulsing water at every knot and overstretched tendon I had.

It was HEAVENLY. I didn't know I could be that loose. Then, wonderfully relaxed, I turned my attention towards other things.

I've never masturbated in a whirlpool before, but GODDESS it was incredible. So many choices for positions, pressure, speeds..... I was even able to tilt my pelvis directly into one of the jets, so that as the water rushed forward on full speed and pressure, it almost felt like I was being penetrated by the most fabulously flexible dildo.

Rarely have I had such a good orgasm.

I was in there almost two full hours.

Now, that time includes somehow standing up, rinsing off, and washing my hair. I had to lie there for quite awhile before I could get to my feet. LOL I did my best to be quiet; after all it was the middle of the afternoon and four people sat no more than 20 feet away in the next room. My friend, her husband, my 8 year old neice and 13 year old nephew! There is NO WAY the adults didn't know what else I was doing in there, :D but the sounds of the motor and jets created a lot of noise on its own.

When I finally emerged, I think I lay down for a nap, but I don't remember. That was certainly the highlight of my day. :) I've been meaning to get back there for a visit. I love and miss my neice and her mom, but DAMN I want time in that tub again. >:-D

TMI Tuesday-- The Comfort and Thrill of Sex

These are the questions from last week, Tuesday, July 31, The Comfort and Thrill of Sex.  With how busy my life is, I will be pre-schedule posts whenever possible, so these won't correspond to the weekly TMI Tuesday.  I had intended to put this up NEXT Tuesday and be really late, but I'm having so much fun with other people's that I decided to get it up today.  Please excuse the various formatting discrepancies.  I tried to get it how I wanted but finally gave up from frustration.  So without further ado, TMI Tuesday.  You're getting my answers, AND some extra details for inquiring minds.  Feel free to ask follow-up questions in the comments section!!  I have a communication fetish.  ;)

1. How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I'm ok with it.
d. I don't enjoy it at all.
e. I have never given anal sex.
f. I have never given anal sex, but would like to start.

I've been hoping to start a D/s relationship with a local man.  He really enjoys pegging, and that's something that's been on my fantasy list for a looooooong time.  I'll keep you posted!  ;)

2. How do you feel about receiving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?
a. I love it.
b. I enjoy it.
c. I’m ok with it.
d. I don’t enjoy it at all.e. I have never received anal sex.
f. I have never received anal sex, but would like to start.

I've never actually experienced anal, but it's something I'm interested in trying with the right man.  I've had a reoccurring fantasy of having one lover in my pussy, and one in my ass, for a very long time.  I know that it takes timing, trust, and practice.  Especially trust and comfort level.  I'd have to get 'the anal down' first.  Course, I REALLY prefer a thick cock in my pussy.  Length is great, too. Asses don't stretch the way pussies do, even with training.  It's not always feasible.
Maybe some day.....

3. How do you feel about getting undressed in front of a new lover, for the first time, as he/she watches you?a. It’s a turn on for me.
b. It turns me on a little bit.
c. I like it, but only because it gets him/her going.
d. It does nothing for me.
e. I don’t like doing it because I am shy.
f. I don’t like doing it because I think it’s immoral/improper.

I had to re-read this one a few times, because my initial answer had me highlighting more than B and E.  How I get undressed depends on my mood, energy level, et al.  I tend to be VERY shy with my lovers, not until a great deal of comfort level and trust is built up.  I've shown more of my body, more times and more boldly, to one specific close online friend that I think I have to ANY of my former lovers.  But our connection is INCREDIBLY emotionally intimate and I treasure that.  

Yes, all lovers have seen me naked.  Yes, I'll walk around when done but more because I don't want to bother with getting dressed.  But to actually deliberately undress.... that kind of intimacy takes me a long time.  When I know how much that he really wants me, and appreciates me on multiple levels.  I've never had a lover undress me before.  That's yet another level of intimacy, trust, and love.  I've yet to have a lover connect with me that deeply, or want to do those things for me.  Fingers crossed

It's goofy because I'd walk around naked as a jay bird with no compunction in clothing optional and clothing casual households.  So, lots of my friends' homes, and my own home depending on company.  lol  I have no compunction about stripping down in front of a medical professional or masseur.  We all have the same parts more or less.  Sex does complicate things.

4. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?
a. Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
b. Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
c. Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
d. Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
e. Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
f. Never, not even when I am really turned on.

I honestly have NO idea, that's a question for one of my ex-lovers.  But none of them were worth staying with very long, relationship or sexually.  I know I can be VERY loud.  And I like to be loud.  I really hate having to keep quite.  One of the joys of living with roommates, and knowing family members are in the house.  One day I'll be able to let go as much and as loudly as possible.  My best guess is that we're in A to B range for this one.

5. Do you talk to your partner in a sexually explicit way?
a. Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
b. Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
c. I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
d. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged or ridiculed.
e. I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
f. I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
g. I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.

I'm gonna diddle with semantics here on this one.  Define talking "dirty"?  I can be VERY explicit sometimes, and really get into it on occasion.  So, answer B.  But I REALLY enjoy intellectual foreplay, double entendres, and all kinds of witty flirting.  That doesn't have to be dirty or explicit.  It can last minutes, hours, or days building things up deliciously.  Since it's foreplay and thus sexually related, I'd consider it talking dirty in this context.  That makes it answer A.

A smart man with a good vocabulary who wields his tongue skillfully around the spoken word ..... sexy as hell!  Smart and well-spoken are two things I always look for in a playmate.

6. What kind of animal do you most sound like when building to a climax?
a. quiet little mouse
b. low moaning wolf
c. screeching beluga whale

Ummm, D-- none of the above?  I know I'm not quiet, and I've no idea what a beluga whale sounds like.  Have a bit of an idea what a wolf sounds like so that's not quite right either.

Anyone want to come over and play?  We can find out the answer together!  :D

Bonus: Which do you prefer comfort sex or thrill-seeking sex? Why?

That one is easy on the surface-- comfort sex.  But reading Jack's answer made me reconsider my original post to be a little more specific.  I enjoy thrills on occasion, and trying things new.  I've gotten MANY wonderful ideas reading people's blogs and erotica online, not to mention several satisfying masturbation sessions.  I RARELY fuck, though sometimes it can be fun.  For me, sex is about intimacy and connection.  That's why I named this blog the way I did.  I make love.  I value intimacy and strong relationships more than I do sexual acts.


But then, I'm relatively inexperienced sexually.  I didn't pop my cherry until just before my 30th birthday.  And my lovers haven't exactly been someone to write home about.  Eventually I shall have a decent lover, I have faith.  :)  For now I need more lovemaking, more true intimacy in my life in the physical realm.  But that is fodder for later posts.

There is FAR more to lovemaking beyond sex, much of it isn't even sexually related.  The quiet peace of cuddling someone you love.  The joy of an evening walk holding hands.  Lovemaking.  To be shared with friends, parents, children, AND lovers.  This is the type of thing Jack mentions.  The 'little things' that make relationships special, and help them last.  Also for me, though, the THRILL of sex comes from the connection, the trust, the history you've built together.  Finding new ways to keep that alive, and push each other further.  To be better for you, for them, for each other.  In AND out of the bedroom.

Remember kids, follow up comments and questions are WELCOME!